An Experience of Harassment - Anonymous

I'd been at The Hotel for two and a half years and, having been promoted within five months, was struggling with the severe pressure of it all – having the Star and dealing with the high tensions and sometimes diva-like demands of the men. 

I'd had my first ever panic attack one month into this job, over Anna Wintour’s pigeon and the shouting that I received. I didn’t even do anything wrong, I was just a thing to shout at that day. This isn’t the reason for me being asked to share my story, but maybe it gives an insight as to why I was already so wound up. 

The new exec sous started in January 2017. He was in charge under the exec chef and nobody really took to him. He was French and older than most of the team (we were all quite young). I think he was trying to fit in with the guys by making jokes with them. Where it would be joking between us, sharing stories of every aspect of our lives including dating and even sex, he never grasped the idea of when enough was enough, and when banter turned into just plain not funny.

I tried to warm to him and carry out what roles and jobs he gave, and to be fair he stuck up for me a few times when I was struggling on veg, by telling the others I knew much more than them and to listen. I think I was one of the few that actually vaguely liked him as a colleague.

I got a new boyfriend at the time, and examples of him trying to 'fit in', as I put it, were to ask about my sex life in front of others. He would ask if it was getting better, if I had managed to buck up my boyfriend’s ideas, all sorts of awkward stuff. There’s talking to work friends about that stuff, then there’s being outwardly asked about it. Yes, that made me slightly uncomfortable, but you just kind of ignore it.

By this time I was highly emotional, mainly due to the job. He would ask, 'Why do you cry so much? Do you have heavy menstruation, does that make you cry?’. He asked me that while I was stood at the front of the kitchen in front of five other male chefs. Of course they all felt very awkward. I stuttered back something along the lines of, 'er no, I have great periods thanks', and left.

He had been there just under a year and it was the annual awards dinner, or the ‘Christmas party in January’ as we called it. I'd been fretting about a dress as it was black tie and I'd put on a bit of weight. I managed to order a dress that was to be honest a polite amount of cleavage, not that it has ever mattered what I wore. We all had dinner and we were drinking heavily, and I'd been up to the other chefs’ tables and said hi. Looking different from everyday chef whites, a few people didn’t even recognise me. The sous chef in particular stared directly at my chest and raised his eyebrows in appreciation. I made my excuses and went off.

By this time everyone there was getting drunk. I went to join everyone outside who was smoking – people always rotate to the smoking area at parties. I was talking to one group and turned to speak to my friend and the sous chef, with a weird feeling of excitement to be speaking to 'the boss' outside of work.

Turning around and saying hi, he looked at me, maybe said something which is now a blur, and stuck his fingers directly into my cleavage and wiggled them around. For what reason, we will never know. I pushed him off and said, ‘er no, do not touch me there’. He then started up with 'well look how you are dressed, you practically deserved it’. It was as if it was a joke to wiggle his fingers in a woman's cleavage.

He then did it again, all the while blaming me for wearing a dress showing my cleavage. I pushed him gently away – bearing in mind I was so angry by this point but still aware that I didn’t want to get into trouble for assaulting my senior – saying, 'this is my body and you have no right to touch it'. With him still finding it amusing, I ran off before he could see me cry. We were right there in front of everyone. We did not have the kind of rapport for the behaviour he exhibited. Many of my colleagues followed me inside because they knew I was upset, as I’m not generally an angry person. 

It took an hour to get me out of the toilets, with promises from some of my fellow female chefs, who were severely incensed by it all, that they were going to tear him up. I later found out that after me, he had slapped another woman so hard on her ass it nearly bruised and she too was mortified. He was asked to leave after that. What followed was everyone buying me drinks to stop the tears, finally getting home after a phone call to my boyfriend in the Uber, having to apologise to my Uber driver, then calling my mum up still in floods of tears at 3am. She got me to write everything down there and then so I wouldn’t forget it. I still have it somewhere now. 

I had work at 8am the next day and I'd barely slept. I had to wait until 9am when HR would come in before I could make a complaint. The chef’s PA came with me and she physically cringed hearing about what happened. I gave the HR lady a shock that Monday morning. She was upset for me. Throughout the day, we found out he had been suspended, and his locker emptied pending investigation. Most people who had been at the party weren't in until Wednesday. The male chefs didn’t really understand what was going on. I was encouraged by security to go to police as they thought similar incidents may have happened before, and the guys made jokes about whether I was 'going to do it and ruin his life'. 

On Wednesday morning, I found out that nearly every other female chef had gone forward with comments he had made towards them. Comments to women as young as 19 (he was 45). We later found out that any one of those comments would have been enough to sack him on the spot. Due to feeling like a mother figure to the younger girls, I went ahead with the police. I didn’t do it for me. I did it so that no one else would have to go through it, and so it would be on his record, along with any past incidents. 

He was eventually fired as expected, but it was the fallout which kind of broke me. I lost a boyfriend, I ended up disliking the job and wanted out, and he ended up with a top job nearby in Mayfair. The worst thing for me, which my mum pointed out, is that he was in a position of care, which he abused. I was 24 at the time. He has a 14 year old daughter – how different would it be for a teacher to do something similar? How would he feel? 

It took its toll on me – the fallout, not the act. Finding out that the CPS wouldn’t do anything even though he admitted it broke me a little, and by the end of summer I went onto antidepressants for eight months. I left the job in September in good standing, and I didn’t leave angry at it which was my main thing. I've since been at another job for the past year where I know this behaviour has no chance. The head chef is protective and when the Dan Doherty stories came out, he told us to tell him if anything like that ever happened. I was previously told I wasn’t allowed to cry in the old job because the kitchen is a main walkway for lots of other staff. My new boss said he doesn’t mind me crying ever, he just wants customers to get good food, which is what we are all about really.