'Partners in life and work; running a business with your other half', by Natalia Ribbe
Ever since I can remember I have worked with my partner. Call it a curse of the industry, but I have more often than not ended up dating someone I work with. Overall, it’s been a really pleasant experience; meeting at the pass, flirting at family meal, late night drinks after work getting to know each other in the local dive bar. The “office” romance is one I have a nostalgic fondness for. Fast forward to present day, and for the past year I have found myself not only working with my partner, but we run an actual business together – and that, my friends, has been a challenge to say the least.
We’ve been together a little over 2.5 years. We’ve travelled the world together, which included a month of backpacking through Southeast Asia, two months of bobbing around L.A. and then a sudden move to Margate. We’ve held each other’s hands as we navigate our industry, propped each other up when we needed a confidence boost, and managed to have a pretty good time through it all. Since landing on the Kentish coast in 2019, we opened a moveable restaurant that has had three homes – one of which has been a rooftop restaurant and bar during a global pandemic – and we have personally moved home three times in that time. So how do you do it? How do you work, eat, sleep, live with your partner seven days a week? Well if you’ve come here looking for the formula, I don’t have it. What I do have is my story, and my top tips as to how we’ve managed to work together and by some miracle, stay together.
1. MAKE TIME FOR EACH OTHER.
Whoever tells you it’s a breeze living and working together is lying. And if you are reading this and disagree with me, shaking your head saying, “Natalia, I actually do have an amazing working/living relationship with my partner”, then I applaud you. There were moments this summer where Jackson and I can confidently say, working together was wreaking havoc on our relationship. We bickered constantly, about everything and nothing. It was awful. Hand on my heart, I didn’t think we would make it. It’s not just the working relationship you need to be mindful of, it’s how you spend your time when you are not at work. We weren’t making time for each other outside of our restaurant. So, my first piece of advice is just because you’re with each other 24/7, doesn’t mean you don’t need to make special time to actually be together. A walk on the beach, a picnic, a nice meal out, breakfast. And if you can – and this is the biggest challenge of all – try not to talk about work. Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself slipping into it, but really try to have a proper conversation about your life and just jibber jabber.
2. REMEMBER WHY YOU’RE DOING THIS.
The best advice I ever received was last summer from a fellow L.O.R. who said to me: “Just remember you’re both working towards the same goal.” Our mutual goal was, and of course remains, to establish a successful restaurant. I keep those words as a mantra in my head. This comes in especially handy when he says something that makes my blood boil – makes me question why I ever thought working together, let alone being together, was a good idea. It’s not personal, it’s business, and you have a goal you are working towards together.
3. HAVE A CLEAR DIVISION OF ROLES.
In our partnership, I am in charge of all front of house, PR and marketing, and my partner is responsible for all things back of house. Yes, there is a lot of overlap and we lean on each other to support where needed and throw ideas around etc. But for the sanity of the business you need to have clear roles. It’s not about creating a blame game, it’s about being able to give you and your team a clear direction as to who is responsible for what.
4. UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE MOTIVATED BY.
Jackson is motivated by money and sees success as financial gain. Naturally I see the appeal in that, but I am a terrible businessperson in that regard. I am motivated by a happy team, a steady and consistent book of reservations and seamless service. An example of how we worked through this: Jackson was seeing at 5.30pm six front of house staff ‘standing around’ at the start of service, which equates to wage cost. I see a 5.30pm briefing that gets all my front of house team on the same page, learning new wines, going through the menu and who is coming in for that service. I see a team now ready to upsell and deliver incredible hospitality. I wasn’t happy if we didn’t have the briefing and he wasn’t happy if it meant team members standing around. So we looked at how we could stagger the finishing times to counter the earlier start time, and we also saw the value in having everyone together at the start of the shift, as those daily trainings on food and wine sales started to equate to a higher spend per head – everyone wins!
5. COMMUNICATE.
Weekly meetings to go through numbers and the previous week’s ups and downs, debrief and touch base. Make sure this is a set time each week to create consistency. Go to breakfast – make sure the meeting is not at home.
6. FIND A RELEASE AWAY FROM EACH OTHER.
I am a social person who quite literally feels recharged after a day with my girlfriends, a good long lunch chatting through life’s small and big problems. A swim in the sea after a workout gives me an instant burst of energy. Self-care and pampering at home or at a spa gives me a boost of confidence. A bath always does the trick. Find what makes you feel good on your own, making the most of you time is essential to any relationship – but particularly important to one in which you are also working together.
7. THE CIRCLE OF NICE.
People often ask me what the circle tattoo on my arm is about. “Is it a plate?” is one of my favourites, but it’s actually the ‘Circle of nice.’ A restaurateur I admire once said their secret to a successful business was the “Circle of nice; if you’re nice to people, then they will come back” and I have never forgotten that. I truly think this pertains not only to your guests, but to your team and especially your business partner. Speak with kindness to one another, being cruel will only create animosity. I put my hands up and say that I have not always followed this advice, but it is essential to a healthy working relationship.
8. DON’T TAKE ON THEIR STRESS.
We all get stressed at different times and for different reasons. I was starting to find myself taking on my partner’s stress a lot. Which naturally made me DOUBLE worried about work and life. When your lives are so interwoven, it can be easy to take on the other person’s fear, grief or worry. Be compassionate, be understanding – but don’t take it on as an emotion you need to process as well.
Like I said at the start, this is not a formula to the perfect working relationship, it’s my own experience. Your business, as much as your relationship, needs constant work, and I have found that more than ever this year. A global pandemic has added an extra element of stress and panic to everyday restaurant life. I have had to really dig deep and remember that some of what we are going through is circumstantial. The most important thing of all is that you two are happy. Every day will not be perfect, every shift will not be great, but if you can take a deep breath and step back, take a look at what did work, what is great and what you can improve on – then you are doing the work on your business and you’re saving your relationship from unnecessary arguing.